December | 2019 | May 14th

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Something strange happened and the site kind of crashed, I’m going to try and reconstruct the Critical Review, and hope to keep adding for another day or so:

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Now the fun part: critical review. To return to the films click here:

Extensions Saturday XXXV

Beyond that, keep returning to see who else has “something to say” in the lead up to the big announcement ….

From the Host

Extensions

It was really nice to revisit the first film, the film that started it all. Especially good was giving it a 2019 director’s cut. Certainly some strong moments were the interview with Pete Smith at the donut store and the performance sequence. And, of course, Mr Tohosky, to whom we all owe some gratitude.

Although it is a possible candidate, it being a 2019 director’s cut, I think few will make argument for it’s winning the Haverhast. Perhaps if the audio could somehow be improved upon it might be more of a contender and if the murder scene was a bit more graphic, it could’ve been a bit more compelling, but it is a product of the times. I bet someone could write a good sociological thesis based on the contents of the film. Something along the lines of lower middle-class kids in suburbia in the mid-80s, on the verge of delusions of grandeur
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Ar – Pharazon

For a film as abstract and weird as this, I believe it was the most concise and crisp film of the evening. Wilhelm and Reek were both phenomenal in this work. Both could take home the Honourable Mention for their acting work, but I think Reek as George Washington wins the day. Another highlight of the evening was the whirlwind “The Great Bidding War 2000”! Such an amazing feat to bring all these “characters” together in one of the most intense sequences to date!

With three or four ideas floating in the æther, the director clearly made some sort of synthesis of the themes, knowing that to make a “watchable film”, lots of time is needed in post. Something the director feels none of the other auteurs have figured out, yet. That said, some may feel that the synthesis did not work.

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The Bridge

Persephone’s latest was as elegant as it was beautiful; harrowing as it was sublime: a real nightmare. Newcomer Amee, as the protagonist, is truly captivating in her dealings with the bridge and the beyond.
And damn, those cornfields…

I feel it could’ve been tightened up in the middle section and it was not clear to me that she’d actually crossed the bridge at any time but sort of entered the bridge then turned around and then was in some dreamland/grimland and, well, maybe that’s what happened, maybe that’s what happened to all of us

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Mirror Game
Wilhelm Van Benkerstein returns again! This time in “Mirror Game”. We all remember his outstanding debut as Henry Thoreau last year and many were probably hoping for a return to that charming work. Instead we’re delivered a documentary of sorts from the perspective of Dave Wheeler, a YouTube sensation, who exposes various goings on. The gravitas, urgency, and peril of “parallel parking” are instantly understood. Original score by William Deeb Jr impeccably graced the images before us, even elevating the “story”. Let’s hope we hear more from him!

It’s unclear to me what happens to Dave Wheeler in the last third of the film. What about this mysterious driving teacher gets under his skin that drives him loopy? Perhaps it’s something for us all to ponder …-

—-The Wicked Witch of Eastie: Cribs Again Balthazar Blümp and team deliver another entertaining trip of sorts. This time it’s through the burned-out murder house. Simultaneously humorous and tragic, and I do hope ultimately cathartic for the director. This work featured some stunning photography, mostly due to it’s exceedingly unique circumstances. It’s hard not to love “The Wicked Witch” and his awesome retinue (especially Bear) as they tour the burned out murder house.

The tantalizing Demon Greg animated second part of the film seemed to possess a political/topical commentary going on. Not exactly sure what the thesis was, but certainly some laughs were had all around. I wonder if Blümp would’ve been better off submitting two shorter films …

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My Lost Friend
DJM and the F jam return. A chilling tour de force as a friend tries to reunite with a lost friend from his childhood. But who is Tim Tim and who is Gordy and … who am I?

I think one of the intentions of this “work” is to remind people on the value of making lemonade out of lemons and it is possible to put a film together in very little time, with very few resources.

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Another Disappointment
Tech Support returns with another grim docu-drama. This time presenting some rare footage of one of the last IOFS (Intellectual Only Film Society) events. Some stunning archival footage given a bit of a modern treatment. I only wish he didn’t get so caught up in the image of the word “video” for so long during the middle-to-last section of the film where things got bogged down. But truly some fine moments throughout. Great to see Mr. Tohosky again! Probably what was the last time any of us saw Bob as he was before his partial resurrection …

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Keep on Smiling, DearFrank Squared returns with an amazing horror sitcom. Adding to the fun of it were commercial breaks: one more hilarious than the next. I know who’s getting my vote for office this year! Again, another tour-de-force of acting by Reek Crudely as the mother. The whole cast was great! F2 as dad and Joe Sutton as the son were a very, very realistic sitcom father and son. The cast of the commercials were legion. Definitely gonna be getting me some Uber Jerk Eats to watch Susie Newsie deliver the news while sitting in an elegant chair, tripping on anti-lonely pills …

Nothing Burger (A Cinematic Dessert)

Clearly, the best film of the Evening!

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From Visitor Blim

Extensions:
What more can be said that hasn’t already been said about the original Extensions film? It’s the film that started it all. Great to see the properly edited version for the first time. The 2019 version had a nice flow to it, and I enjoyed the inclusion of the “chapters” and felt that it flowed along quite seamlessly. I feel like I have a better understanding of the film now.

Ar-Phrayaxus:
I enjoyed the use of the various “meditation sequences” in the build up of the story. The first half of the film centers on the insane bidding war for Rycortian portfolio lot #7452. The bids continue… $120 Million, $150 million. Who is trying to ruin Bryant Evans? Frankie Ribbons is still alive? Then we transition to another story involving a young George Washington. At this point the audience is in for a bit of an unexpected twist as we are treated to yet another shocking use of fecal construction/puppetry. First introduced memorably in 2015’s “Welcome to the Club”, I thought we had seen the last use of simulated fecal matter during last year’s F2 film, but I was wrong! There were certainly some squirms and gasps in the audience, and it certainly injected some shock value into proceedings. In the end “the meditant” chooses the investment over further transcendence. Overall a very enjoyable film. Certainly a Haverhast contender. Also a big thumbs up to to VH for the fine original score.

The Bridge:
A very nicely shot film with great cinematography. What starts out as an outing to visit a historic covered bridge takes a sinister turn. I particularly enjoyed the use of the corn field as well as the great desert shots. There is a great dream-like quality to this film. The child actors were also superb in this one. Overall an enjoyable film.

Mirror Game:
This one was quite enjoyable too. This film was a real change of pace compared with 2018’s “Thoreau Burrows”. Having enjoyed Wilhelm Van Benkerstein’s debut film last year, I was looking forward to seeing what he came up with this year. I suppose Mirror Game could be subtitled “the horrors of parallel parking”. I think we can all relate to what the characters are going through looking for parking in the city. We are still let to wonder who is Herb Parkman? A well executed, succinct film. Another great original score too!

My Lost Friend:
I really do miss my friends Gordy and Tim Tim…. November 11, 1979, what happened to Gordy? Fast forward to November 11, 2000 and Gordy and Tim Tim cross paths again. Or did they? A nice simple, efficient film and certainly a great use of time as this one was shot over the course a few hours one day.

The Wicked Witch of Eastie:
After being treated to last year’s debut I was highly anticipating what would come next. Although his film had the same look and feel to last year’s debut “Invocation”, it was in fact a real change of pace. The film was broken into two distinct parts. Part one had a real nice comedic element in the vein of the “MTV Cribs” series. The second half of the film is an animated episode of “Evil Greg”. It felt like an episode of a variety show. It was certainly entertaining and kept me laughing. It was great to see Bear again too.

Another Disappointment:
This was a continuation of last year’s film ” A Disappointment”. In a way it was a sequel/prequel to last year’s film. This one felt far less exploitative than the first film in 2018. The July 2005 Pink Floyd Extravaganza/Summer Wrap Up Party… I’m glad that this footage was dusted off and given a proper viewing. Thanks to Josh for putting in the work to make this film happen. Also great to see back to back film submissions from him after a bit of a hiatus. It was a bit of a trip down memory lane. In a way this film is representative of the early days of the “new cinema”. Some damn good times from another decade. Certainly good for some laughs.

Keep on Smiling, Dear:
Billed as an art horror sitcom Keep on Smiling Dear is a big part of the LMAO Saturday television lineup. First off I thought the laugh track was a great touch. At this point one is not sure what to expect from a Frank Squared film so it’s best to go in expecting the unexpected. Keep on Smiling Dear seems like your typical sitcom family except that apparently grandfather has been raised from the dead and is living in the basement. Things take a dark turn in the final quarter of the film as the father plans on killing his family and feeding their hearts to the creature in the basement. Sprinkled throughout this sitcom episode are a series of interludes (at least one animated), that include product placement (loved the Uber Jerks bit) as well as plugs for other shows on the network. Once again Frank Squared has melded two genres into something new and original. From queer horror to sitcom horror F2 continue to impress with their film output. Let’s not forget Mike Finkle for President 2020!

Nothing Burger:
It’s become a bit of a tradition that the host closes proceedings with a short piece to “cleanse the pallet” so to speak. As per usual we were treated to a collage of short sketches. After a long program is always nice to enjoy some dessert Alas, as there is nothing left of the burger we all know it’s the end of the night and the end of another Extensions Saturday.

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From Wilhelm Van Benkerstein

Extensions Could this be used as an introduction to newcomers of Extensions Saturday. (A theme song, maybe? Text boxes?) Either way, it is the prelude to Now Today, and should be treated as such. This is rudimentary craft work in the lab, but the mad twisted creations they’re planning, and the framework for the future…it acts as a time machine to the beginning.

Ar-Phrayaxus Too deep, too real – the sapling, and the trampling of American values…where could this be coming from, Mr. Washington? And was the contemporary curses an anachronistic intention? Either way, it worked. Greed. The ruthless pursuit for a private ‘collection.’ The price is too high, best we curse at its lingering presence and call it what it is – spiritual horror in a wooden box, tossed in the drink and polluting our waters.
The BridgePersephone does is again with an internal logic that invigorates the mise en scene. The forcefield, the barrier, only to shimmied around! These are the details that stick around, and the children walking autonomously into the cornfield. Simply riveting and always surprising. That landscape alone…

Mirror GameSome of us spend a significant time in our car. Is it Significant? I can’t tell. All I know is the drivers seat is a venue for powerful emotions. A busy street is quite the battleground to a parallel parker – and often times the battleground wins.

My Lost FriendSometimes the most poignant messages come in small packages. It’s me, Gordy. It sure is Gordy, and I’ll be waiting. Poor Tim Tim. Great use of limited time / space. I would almost expect it to be the dessert of the evening!

Wicked Witch – Cribs EditionWicked indeed. Riotous, political, and shamelessly bonkers – Reek Crudely once again hands his audience an esoteric cocktail of (animated!) horrors and MTV memories with the lovable lush of a skeleton. New ground has been broken and Reek is the undertaker. The music capped it all off, with wild tunes and an Evil Greg intro that sets the stage for a trip to Saturn. With a crispy set, Reek cooks a tasty stew. Bravo, Reek. Bravo.

Another Disappointment Another bit of time-travel from Tech Support – an archivist and revisionist, his reconfiguration of the past adds another vital piece to the ever expanding Now Today puzzle. What makes this work even better is the thread connecting Another Disappointment with the original Extensions. Meant as a companion piece to last years subversive Disappointment, this was anything but what the title suggests. This was a celebration of the practice, with a mentor in their midst. A good night was had, both then and now!

Keep On Smiling, DearThe color scheme, the dialogue, and the framing all play their role, and it all works. It stands along with the best of them – a sitcom hiding a horrible existential curse in the basement. There’s a message here…the skeletons in the closet, the unsatisfied hunger that hides deep in the gallows of our seemingly mediocre home must be fed. And the supposed Patriarch with the still beating heart of his offspring? Yes sir. And the commercials! This is a great new work by Frank Squared as they continue their upward trajectory. Genre-mashing at its finest.

Nothing BurgerWas this the dessert of the night? This might have been too encompassing for that. A great look at the usual suspects in various guises – spoken words, varied settings, a pleasing finale to a great evening. Good times had by all. A delicious burger! Now nothing. Now today.

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From Beachmont Frank

Extensions:
Finally witnessing the film that started it all, I will say I was entertained for sure. Due to the technology of the time the only real downfall was audio issues, even though I couldn’t hear half of the dialogue the sax sounded great.

Ar-phrayaxus:
As always a true contender, I will say the phone conversation can be a risk in a film and just feel forced to set up a story line but this was an exceptional use of phone calls! Riveting performances by all with an interesting list of characters. The haunting intro to the terrifying damnation of the protagonist seem to grace us with true art horror. I’m biased to a great poop scene and will say George Washington popping in a box is always a good move for a movie. Overall one of the top 3 films of the night! 8 out of 10

The bridge:
One of my favorite performances of the night, and beautiful use of scenery, and murdering kids in films is always a plus! Over all felt a bit long and could’ve used a little more pace changing to make it more prominent in the night. 6 out of 10

Mirror game:
A total departure to what I’m used to with Wilhelm’s work, it was nice to see his use of lighting and having mr. Deeb make the soundtrack was a brilliant idea. I might add maybe one of my best performances, I’m glad I was able to be a part of the film. Again a totally enjoyable film, but what did it all mean? 7 out of 10

My lost friend:
A true example of making the best of a bad situation, it felt like coming home to an extensions night. A simple film an entertaining film, truly tragic for Gordy and Tim Tim. 5 out of 10

The wicked witch of Eastie:
This film is the one I keep going back to, my personal favorite on first watch but after rewatching it seems to leave me uncomfortable. As always I think reek crudelys work is stunning and beautiful, the animation was top notch, the music the intro, the cribs parody, all of it top notch. My only issue was with the animation, though executed wonderfully what were we watching, was that a joke or just a weird fever dream? I want to be mad that it makes me uncomfortable but isn’t that what horror art is, art that frightens and haunts you. I still wish the story of the animation was more or a story. 9-10 my pick

Another disappointment:
After last year I was wondering what to expect, I was pleasantly surprised. A great old footage piece showing some of the good times of the past, and definitely feels like some of the old cinema of when I first started joining and watching these films. I just wonder when tech support will take on writing and making a story for us to see, so much potential let’s hope he continues his projects and maybe works on something for the new cinema! 5 out of 10

Keep on smiling dear:
This film was the first I’ve made with a full script and less of me in it, being behind the scenes felt good that’s for sure and to be the horror element of my film added to some of my enjoyment of my film. Though hiccups and set backs I was proud to bring my film to the event. Just wish more people did submit commercials when asked but alas maybe next year. 8 out of 10

Nothing burger:
Anything but nothing! Jam packed buffet of good times, a real pallet cleanser after a tremendous night! My only complaint was when someone roofied me and filmed it not cool! 7 out of 10

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From Reek Crudely

1. Extensions

This was a pretty delightful film. Having now seen it, I’m better able to appreciate this little troupe and what I’ve become a part of. It was also pretty darn funny. Bob seemed like a genuinely good dude. Younger Derek is darn handsome. Young Josh is full of energy and a touching earnestness. Young David and Pete Smith (is that Herr O?) both had some impeccable comedic timing (I especially like the saxophone by the beach sequence, and the guitar and bass banter). Seeing some familiar faces from 30 some-odd years ago was pretty cool, and I think I probably would have been friends with these guys had we gone to high school at the same time (well maybe not Derek, he might have been too intimidating for me). I liked the way it was broken into chapters, they helped put the story into some sort of story. I liked the hilarity of the chase/murder scenes. And I really liked the self-awareness, especially Bob’s interview at the fake film premiere (“Basically I was a little confused from the very beginning”). Thanks for sharing. Now go fuck yourselves.

2. Ar-Phrayaxus

Well this was a fucking doozy. I knew only one scene (George’s meeting with his father and his later defecation), and I had no idea what the rest of the film was going to be about. All in all, I found the film thoroughly entertaining, and even emotionally engaging (especially when George comes clean to Augustine). The technique of asking people to film their own scenes is used expertly here, too. While I do think these scenes could have been edited a little more efficiently (they run about ten minutes in length), and could have done more to up the tension (they do culminate in Blim’s suicide, a moment I found surprising and utterly hilarious), they were nonetheless effective. Favorite parts: The meditation sequences are cool, and I like the last one a lot, when Willhelm’s character doesn’t make it to the spirit consultation, Blim’s suicide, the shooting pool scene, and the shitting scene. I questioned why George would be such a goofball, though (why cast me?!), but apparently this has been thoroughly researched, and is an accurate representation of one of our founding Fathers. The cohesiveness of the plot is to be lauded.

3. The Bridge

Persephone and newcomer Amee’s film is a neat little story about– Death? Self-imposed boundaries? Fear, memory, loss? Whatever it is, it’s open to interpretation, and I think this film succeeds where others didn’t in this regard– nothing is simple, nothing is spelled out, and it left me with actual questions– valid, existential ones, as opposed to “what the hell did I just watch.” The cinematography is amazing, thanks in no part to the fantastic locations. Of particular note are the desert scenes– the camera’s pan away from the action to the blazing sun was a really nice touch. It looked like it was shot with a real camera, not the potato-quality Motorola razr that everyone else uses. My gripe was with the tone: I didn’t know if this was supposed to be funny or serious, which isn’t so much a gripe as a question maybe this reviewer needs to reconcile within himself first. If taken as one or the other, though, it’s equally effective. If taken together- as both a comic and a tragic piece, it perhaps elevates itself to something more. There’s something surreal about the whole thing, obviously, and whether we greet that with humor or austerity is up to each of us.

4. Mirror Game

This is another film in which I played only a part, and was not really privy to what was going on elsewhere, so seeing the piece as a whole was a pleasant surprise. Frank’s portrayal of Amos the inept parallel parker is inspired work– he was able to transform into a down-on-his luck character with whom the audience is able to sympathize quite easily. That was very effective. Some of the cinematography- the driving scenes, the cool neon gloves– were done really well, too. Mr Deeb’s music is, as always, superlative. And Herr Van Benkerstein’s turn as the legendary Herb Parkman brings an outlandish hilarity that I was not expecting. That dancing scene in the parking lot is great stuff. The incongruous beeping is also top notch comedy. My only question comes with Davey Wheeler- portrayed by me. I personally know what is supposed to be happening at the end, but I think it was a little unclear as to what exactly transpired, and why. But maybe that’s okay– it’s art horror, isn’t it? I don’t think Ive ever parked perfectly, so why should this film have to?

5. My Lost Friend

This was a cool little spur of the moment thing that I think does a decent job of asking “What the hell is going on here?” The shots were cool, and even if the plot was purposefully confusing (Who the hell is who, what the hell is what?), it’s effective in making us feel a little unsettled in our unsurety (I’m unsure if that’s a word). This honestly felt a little like “Blair Witch Project,” and actually had some creepy bits in the beginning, with both characters talking about their lost friend and the scary sound effects in the background. I appreciate how DJ M & F Jam were able to pull this rabbit out of their asses, and somehow put something together with little planning. I’ve seen 48 hour film fest films that pale in comparison to this (I’ve seen feature length Hollywood flicks that leave me less engaged), so I applaud thee, sirs. Of note– I think Blim’s the unsung hero of this film, and of Ar-Phrayaxus (plus he has some choice moments in Mirror Game and Nothing Burger “I want first dibs on your body”). He’s able to keep his tongue firmly planted in his cheek, but in such a way that the audience can’t see it. The perfect straight man– one who’s thoroughly invested in the ridiculous goings on, but is still subtly self-aware.

6. The Wicked Witch of Eastie: Cribs

So this was not the film I wanted to contribute to this year’s Extensions Saturday. I wasn’t even going to use Balthazar Blump for Extensions Saturday; instead I had 2 other films planned, with separate actors and actresses– everything was storyboarded out, the sets created and the props purchased, but I lost my sets and props in the fire, and got a debilitating head injury unrelated to the fire that knocked me out from September til mid November, so I had to improvise.

I had intended on shooting a completely separate Wicked Witch episode not to be used for Extensions, that was to be bigger, better, and more fucked up than last year’s entry; having already shot some footage for that back during the summer (the smoky cemetery stuff and the witch’s lair sequence with Bear and the mushrooms), I decided to use that footage for the new, goofy Wicked Witch of Eastie intro (including some unused photography from last year’s film). Then on a day that I was feeling better from my concussion, myself and Nick D’agostino did a walkthrough of the Murder House (the exterior of which you can spot for a moment behind Derek and Frank in the first scene of “Nothing Burger”), with the explicit intent of creating a Horror Movie Variety Show ala Elvira, Tales from the Crypt, Sven Goolie, or MSTSC3k. This would entail an introduction, a couple of skits (the centerpiece of that being the MTV Cribs ripoff), and then the introduction of tonight’s ‘feature’– the animated tales of Evil Greg.

I’ll note that I didn’t want to make such a long animated piece at first, but I figured I’d fuckin go for it, since the iron was hot and Jeffrey Epstein was still fresh in the zeitgeist. I didn’t start this until 2 weeks before the deadline (that was once I was able to dedicate more than 30 minutes at a time to looking at a computer screen), which explains, but does not excuse, the ragged nature of some of the animation and some questionable audio mixing. I contributed every voice (including Kevin the Skeleton & Moira, Balthazar’s ex-girlfriend) except for that of Evil Greg, lovingly portrayed by Gus Reynolds (Sir Benkenstein also contributed the Sandworm’s ‘pardon me’ in the elevator), made tons of goofy sound effects (and ripped a few off from the inter webs), and wrote about a dozen songs in various genres (shoutouts to Gus Reynolds, aka Dirty Fingaz, Kip Lynch, and William Deeb Jr for their musical contributions as I butted against the deadline).

While I will acknowledge the criticism that I have received from 2 people that I should have submitted Evil Greg separately, I think it would have ultimately undermined the variety show feel that I was going for. Thematic resonance be damned, to me it was about the bonkers energy; I figured I might as well throw the kitchen sink at this project since we had to throw our kitchen sink into a dumpster.

As this is my self-aggrandizing pick for this year’s Haverhast, I will have to point out that nowhere else in (loosely-defined) cinema do we have examples of international child traffickers hiding out on Saturn with a bunch of Mike Pence clones trying to steal babies from Pope Benedict, nor have we ever seen binge-drinking skeletons, carrier-bats, or an animated skeleton doing the floss (the argument can be had that nowhere else have we ever seen George Washington shit in a box, or a sitcom father become one with the creative æther after feeding his family’s hearts to his undead father… to that I say, Fine. But this one had Bear AND Moose, AND KANGAROO being a dogdamned cute little puppers and kittens in it, so take that! (and if you missed Moose and Kanga, keep your eyes on Evil Greg’s computer screen)). Also, I showed you me nutz, which is more than Leonardo DiCrapio can say about any of his work.

7. Another Disappointment

Well I wouldn’t call this one so much of a disappointment– it featured some interesting moments of friends getting together to bullshit and bro down to Pink Floyd. It was good to see Bob again, and also good to see some of my new friends in their mid-30s. This film, in conjunction with Ar-Phrayaxus and the OG Extensions film, really gave me more context and a richer understanding of this thing that I’ve stumbled upon. As is the case with these found footage type films, it seemed more of a highlight reel of a night out with friends, so some of the inside jokes were completely lost to me, but it was concise enough to not cause me any agita, and actually had a few moments that were genuinely funny. Thanks for compiling and sharing, Tech Support!

8. Keep on Smiling, Dear

This one’s nice and fucked up. The performances are perfect– Sutton as the son is surprisingly heartfelt, and Leclair as the father is pitch perfect. His shitty mustache was his own hair plastered on to his face, it was fuckin gross, but not as gross as me being a fucking beyond gross iteration of my own mother. I don’t even think I would fuck me… but actually I probably would fuck me, who’re we kidding…

Anyway back to this movie– this felt right at home at a late night block of Adult Swim, perfectly straddling the line between legit comedy, cringe, horror, and family drama. The creature that Mulone utilized (after we accidentally destroyed the mask he painstakingly created) was goopy and gross, and his monologue at the end is so bizarre that it elevates this piece to another level. I think my favorite parts, though, are the commercials. Henely Grambleduke(!), Dick Knows, Mike Finkle, Uber Jerks, Cop, Susie Newsie, Zyoxitinely– these are fucking comedy gold, and almost deserve the Haverhast themselves… that is, if I weren’t so prideful of my own work.

I also wanna say, I’m sorry for everything I put you– the viewers– through for watching these films. My ass was literally all over the place, and I feel like I’ve assaulted everyone. Please don’t report me to HR.

9. Nothing Burger

Ah, the final piece of the evening. This had some great moments of ephemera captured throughout the year. It was fun to see everyone’s interpretations of the Klause speech. That little shrieking girl was terrifying, though. It was also fun to see my friends get fuckin hammered in Mulone’s pool. An overall pleasant experience, and a wonderful way to end the evening. What films, what films!

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From Mr Y

“Extensions” (1985) the 2019 Director’s Cut
A merciful edit of the classic, the title cards were helpful in
guiding the narrative.

“Ar- Phrayaxus” the next nightmare of spiritual horror art by
Vlindinhauer Haverhast:
I didn’t fully comprehend the plot, but the cast and varied settings
held interest. Great costumes. 3/5

“The Bridge” dream suspense by Persephone Haverhast
Enjoyed the cinematography, soundtrack, setting and suspense. 4/5

“Mirror Game” by Wilhelm Van Benkerstein
The problems of parallel parking for the main character. Some nice
evening shots. 3/5

“My Lost Friend” extreme horror art by DJ M & the F Jam
Good setting, not entirely clear on what was happening. 3/5

“The Wicked Witch of Eastie, Season 2, Episode 6: BFD” by Balthezar Blümp
Impressive pro level animation and effects, good pacing and humor as well. 4/5

“Another Disappointment” grim docu-drama by Tech Support
A look back at footage of a GT gone by. 3/5

“Keep on Smiling, Dear” an art horror sitcom by Frank Squared
Entertaining entry with a solid script, fine performances, and top
effects. Great commercial breaks too, Mr Mulone The Senior’s in
particular. 5/5 My pick for The Haverhast.

“Nothing Burger/A Cinematic Dessert” traditional closing entertainment by VH
Fitting collage ending for the event. 3/5

Again, my apologies for not being able to attend your bonus upscaled
event. It’s most disappointing to me as it is typically the sole party
invitation I receive all year. I trust the evening was a smashing
success.

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From Herr O

Extensions, Director’s Cut

The original video certainly brings back fond memories of the late Autumn of 1985, especially the presence of the fashions of the era, including Derek’s white Izod cardigan, Young David’s Men at Work beach sax solo and the Cure’s masterwork The Head on the Door, which was playing in Pete Nigel Smith’s cassette player in the 1977 tan colored Dodge Aspen. The Director’s cut added much needed structure to the original effort, which was edited quickly in order to be shown at the first ever eSaturday at the legendary home-base of operations known as The Flat. Extensions is a window into places and people that are gone. The restoration was a solid effort to revive the original work, but master tape replication and tape oxidation have caused irreparable damage to the sharpness and the original audio track. Anyone who was there for the original playback of Extensions will recall with fondness, the excitement of that evening and the fact that Bob Tohosky was in peak physical and mental health. When we witness Extensions, we stand on the shoulders of giants – it is impossible to score this film as it remains the benchmark for which all subsequent efforts are gauged.

Ar-phrayaxus
The device of using several characters in a greedy, modern day scramble to obtain a box of shit and a cherry tree branch stub from the historical, young and idealistic character of Reek Crudely’s George Washington is an intriguing mixed parable. Our protagonist, played brilliantly by Wilhelm Van Benkerstein is thwarted by his own greed despite the stern guidance of DJM’s strange bird man cum guru “Ar phrayaxus”. All characters were cast and played convincingly.

As William Shannon wrote ” The paradox of the contemplative way involves a darkening and blinding of the exterior self and an awakening and enlightening of the inner self. The time comes when it is necessary to darken and put to sleep the discursive and rational lights that one was familiar with in meditation. This is no easy task, for one tends to feel guilty about relaxing and resting in the darkness; and there is a strong inclination to climb back into the safety and security of the boat of habit. “

Using a fecal matter scene was an homage to Frank and got a lot of laughs . Some critics may wince and say “cheap laughs”, but it worked in the film and was executed explosively by Reek Crudely. Despite the continuity issues of modern architecture seen in background during the historical time warp, the film scores a solid 9.3

The Bridge

Another solid horror art work from MPW. The locations and lighting were stunning and the film had a consistently terrifying auto harp soundtrack that left the viewer on edge. Strains of Steven King and Alfred Hitchcock are in the flavor and that’s a good thing.Score 8.9

Mirror GameThe antics of Reek Crudely’s Davey Wheeler. Herb Parkman and his quest to create successful parallel parkers is a story long overdue. Frank’s empathetic Amos character was brilliant, no matter where he went, poor driving and traffic followed him, creating non stop comedy. All the boxes are checked for a damn good time . Score 9.0

The Wicked Witch of Eastie:Cribs

I really liked this one, there’s a lot of craftsmanship that goes into “The other Derek”’s oeuvre . The film has great energy and the burned out rooms and damage added to the overall authenticity of where these characters would live…. or be dead and live . The animated part of the film was entertaining but could have been a standalone piece and entered into the Repertoire For consideration. Score 9.25

My Lost Friend:The opening statement by the filmmakers says it all. “We had an hour to kill and made this film…” November 11, 1979 – Tim Tim and Gordy. Gordy and Tim Tim, as if repeating it would make us care more about these idiots And what happened on that fateful day.Stylistically, it was very reminiscent of the horror vignettes without the horror and the character development and a reason to care. I was hoping a monster would come out of the woods and behead the both of them.Score 7

Another DisappointmentA real walk down memory lane. It’s pretty amazing that Pink Floyd reunited just for these people on that particular day. This is probably the last footage that any of us can recall where Bob Tohosky was a coherent entity. His funny story was typical of being not funny but we always laughed at him and not with him, and we are the better for it.Score 8

Keep on Smiling, Dear

This was the most ambitious film of the night and reminded me a little of Amazon women on the moon for the use of advertisements within the plot line. The sitcom scenes were great and the characters compelling , especially the understanding, patient hairy horny mother. The Franks gave the homoerotic and fecal themes a rest this year and opted for more horror. F2 With the upside down mustache was particularly good. The Scenes in the basement were disturbing because the disjointed Combination of horror and comedy didn’t work And created an awkward tension. The mix to pix narration by The ghoulish basement father creature needed to be edited tighter / better and the ending was flat.Score 9

Nothing burger

This was the sleeper of the night , a pig’s buffet with just about everything you‘d require to rid your mind of many of the disturbing things we had seen. The Soundtrack was particularly awesome. Score 9.5

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From The Professor:

I thoroughly enjoyed the cinematic offerings screened at EXXXV. I’m also a procrastinator, so I ended up ditching the lengthy essays I began writing and instead offer key take-aways and a grade on a 1-5 scale; 5 signifying perfection.

Ar-Phrayaxus

A cautionary tale for our consumer-crazed times. I would choose enlightenment over a box of sh!t and broken crockery any day of the week! Kudos to VH on the artful construction of this film. Excellent production values and acting. Could have benefitted from a bit more editing here and there. —4/5

The Bridge

Beautiful camerawork, naturalistic acting, and just the right length. Films where the “monster” remains unseen are among my favorites and The Bridge is no exception. My only quibble is with the soundtrack. Much like Kubrick’s adaptation of Stephen King’s “The Shining” we know ‘bad things are about to happen’ because the music tells us so from jump street. —4.5/5

Mirror Game

This was a tough one to understand and grade. Fear of parallel parking as a metaphor for our present Age of Anxiety? The low light scenes are artfully shot. The acting is solid. In the final analysis it felt more comedic than horrific. —3/5

My Lost Friend

This collaboration is suffused with melancholy and wistfulness. Although it was written and shot very quickly, I found it deeply affecting. Who hasn’t felt the sadness of recalling absent friends? Even though it was a bare bones production it holds up well amidst the rest of the evening’s slicker films. —4/5

The Wicked Witch of Eastie, Season 2

Hoo boy… When Life hands you lemons you take those lemons and squirt the juice right back in Life’s eye! Smiling through the tears of what must have been an Annus horribilis for BB and family, this film was a breath of fresh air. Traditional horror tropes were replaced by a madcap “Pee Wee’s Playhouse” vibe. “Evil Greg”, the animated film-within- the-film, went to places far darker than most of the other films screened. Kudos! —4.5/5

Another Disappointment

This film had a ‘you had to have been there’ quality about it that made it difficult for me to connect with. The pace dragged, but that was probably the point. When one is in the midst of Damn Good Times time is altered and doesn’t particularly matter. —3/5

Keep On Smiling, Dear

Most ambitious film of the night. ‘Horror art’ cloaked in a goofy sitcom’s clothing. Frank-squared’s magnum opus and my pick for The Haverhast. The plotting, acting, and camera work were all top-notch. The accompanying TV commercials—by turns funny and pointed—made the nearly 30 minute running time fly by. —5/5

Nothing Burger

Great fun and a fitting way to cap off a festive evening of film. —4/5

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From Victor

1 Extensions: Raw, ungerminated brilliance

2 Ar- Phrayaxus: Rashomon style indictment of misplaced values and status anxiety. See Grandfather’s Axe paradox, GW version.

3 The Bridge: a new take on archetypal fears, chilling to the bone

4 Mirror Game: deft examination of a deep seated regional anxiety. if only a ghostly hand would conduct all parts of our lives

5 My Lost Friend: Borges wished he could write a story this complex.

6 The Wicked Witch of Eastie, Season 2, Episode 6: BFD: the charred setting created a dark tone for this sharp topical satire. Elevator farts are a roux from which many a great sauce is made.

7 Another Disappointment: on many levels, heartbreaking story

8 Keep on Smiling, Dear: Savage rip on everything we accept as normal. The veil is removed and cannot be replaced.

9 Nothing Burger/A Cinematic Dessert: Folds upon itself like a fine silk tapestry.

Haverhast vote: Keep on Smiling, Dear

Saint’s Choice choice: My Lost Friend

Thank you the gracious invite to such an exclusive event. I was honored to attend.

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From Tech Support

Extensions (1985) the 2019 Director’s Cut
The original is back with a fresh edit that moves it along at the once-envisioned pace. No reason to be “confused from the very beginning” this time around, as we once again slowly chew, swallow and digest THE film that started it all in easy-to-understand, delineated segments. Also removed are the useless pauses, camera pans and human utterances that tended to “stall” the pacing of the original cut. For me this is a contender for the Haverhast, as I find the editing to be a demonstration of courage.
Ar-Phrayaxus
Ar-Phrayaxus sez: “Transcend those investments!” But, why would one fall outside his embrace? Why would one stop too soon? Is it possible that our protagonist’s failure at transcending his own investments somehow brought forth a corruption of the soul of Founding Father (and truth teller) George Washington? If history could only be explained so easily. Fantastic acting work by both Wilhelm van Bankerstein and Reek Crudely in Vlindinhauer Haverhast’s latest that comes complete with a nihilistic defecation into a wooden box scene that easily repulses. I enjoyed the second half better than the first mostly due to Haverhast’s editing choices, which I felt could have been “re-worked” during the various phone calls of the film’s ensemble cast of investment-seeking, out-bidding opportunists. Also a top notch job at music scoring.
Another Disappointment
No film in Extension Saturday’s history has been more unfairly maligned and outright misunderstood than “Another Disappointment’s” “prequel”, “A Disappointment”. That film, and this one, are nothing more than attempts at manipulating lost footage and the construction of a trajectory out of said lost footage. Sometimes people “act” when the camera is pointed at them, whether it’s asking everyone and anyone if they want to “take it outside” or iterating a half-baked (or mostly baked) story about some kid eating dinner on an airplane with a good-looking female roommate and a silver sugar bowl — what the hell was Bob talking about???? Speaking of, Bob Tohosky, aka Mr. Tohosky, landing in this film while he’s simultaneously a facet in Extensions proper is purely coincidental, but it did turn into a tribute of sorts, now didn’t it? But, no exploitation was necessary when it came to my second chance at wrangling and strangling the remaining DVCam footage I managed to save for nearly 15 years. There was still a ton cut despite this film’s run time. Ok, so what does it all mean and do I now promise to never make another film like this again? Or maybe a better question is why bother in the first place? And who or what are the Disappointment(s)? Is this merely an examination of our realistic expectations of the Good Times? Maybe expectations are simply too high? Perhaps if we all expected less, and prepared ourselves for more Disappoinments, we’d get more Good Times?? Uhh.. ok…

The Bridge
After a second viewing of this, I returned full circle to the original thought I was having as I was watched this during my first viewing: this is either a film version of a nightmare the director once had OR it’s a nightmare she wants us all to have now that this movie cannot be so easily unseen. Great harpsichord soundtrack and well as use of sound, especially with the cornfield crunch and screams of the (thankfully) faceless children, as well as the tense moments when our desperate protagonist (well acted by Aimee Brown) attempts (succeeds?) to make it past an invisible barrier contained within the Bridge. The significance of the half empty water bottle eludes me however, but I’m guessing it’s the result of the director’s artistic choice, as it would be easier to not have it at all due to its hindrance to the movement. The character should just throw that damn thing away and quickly figure out her predicament, but she absurdly hangs on to it as she travels through these inter-dimensions, and almost throughout the entire film. Well done all around and perhaps a potential Saint’s Choice?
Mirror Game
This one needed some sound editing, but the soundTRACK was was excellent! Subtly performance by Reek Crudely, with Frank Mulone’s excellent angst-ridden portrayal as “Amos” (perhaps one of his better performances) are testimonies to director van Bankserstein’s skill at directing actors, which is a lost art (or in many cases, just neglected). And even though it wasn’t entirely clear what was happening at the end of this MOCKumentary (that is, a pretend documentary film that actually mocks people who can’t parallel park), it was timed right and wraps up well.
My Lost Friend
Very confusing film that seems to look for a purpose, and forces us to look with it. Perhaps a much-needed harken back to the inspiration found in the films of Rycortian’s Horror Vignettes Volumes I-V complete with great shots throughout, especially towards the end, with the uprooted tree and the maniacal smiling, which were different and well-done. The film essentially hangs in the vast chasm of space between “I don’t care at all about Gordy and Tim Tim or their issues whatsoever…” and “I really need to know what the hell happened between Gordy and Tim Tim!” The film is fascinating to watch and utterly useless at the same time!
The Wicked Witch of Eastie: Cribs
This was really two films in one, both with outstanding technical achievements in editing and animation. I would default to the episode of “Evil Greg” as the better part of the two halves, as it was very disturbing and actually quite sickening. And yes, I did catch the “logo” that was drawn into “Jeffy’s” face. Very controversial move to “go there”, but there it went. The skill involved with this work is why I would place this film as a top contender for this year’s Haverhast.
Keep On Smiling, Dear
F2 may have outdone itself with this grotesquely “funny” and perhaps unintentional nod to the sort of sketch comedy / satire found in films like “Kentucky Fried Movie” or “Amazon Women on the Moon”. I would have cut this down by maybe 1/3, fixed the audio and perhaps taken more time to write some of the quips and one-liners, but the massive effort and undertaking to put this rather shameless work together should easily propel this entry as a top contender for this year’s Haverhast.
Nothing Burger/A Cinematic Dessert
The title really says it all, but still a great montage of all the stuff over the past year that (I guess) never really made it. But, not a contender unfortunately (and in my critical opinion).

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From Persephone

Sorry that it’s going to have to be brief…..

1) Extensions – Great to look back at the seminal first film that ‘started it all.’ I felt the Director’s Cut was a great way to honor the source material and bring the content into this century.

2) Ar-Phrayaxus – I love that we’ve reached a point in the collective where we can pull together a “Cavalcade of Stars” to create this deeply enjoyable story within stories within a story that also contains a message about the pursuit of wealth versus personal integrity. I wanted more of the history section and would have loved an entire film of “Washington and Dad Adventures.”

3) The Bridge – There are parts that I’m proud of and parts that I feel suffered from the lack of additional footage. Must give a hand to my actors who gave their all for the footage. The cactus spines in the hand were real.

4) Mirror Game – I have one visual in particular that is locked in my hand. The traffic directing scene. It was such a moment of true humor and delight. It was dream like and frustrating, which is much like parking in Boston.
5) My Lost Friend – I also love how we’ve come to a point in the collective where we both plan films and can also improvise a short on the spot taking advantage of a free hour. I love how this films plays with repetition and audio in themes of losing the past. Frank for the Saviourhast for helping Calliope get the treatment she needs.

6) Wicked Witch – Cribs Edition – I love how the collective can really find silver linings and take advantage of adversity in order to make art. Thsi was quite enjoyable and I liked the use of live action/animation. The bat delivering the mail was a great touch. I think the cartoon at the end could have stood alone as a separate film but I get the direction the film was going in.

7) Another Disappointment – This felt like a continuation of the first Extensions film. They’ve grown, they have better equipment. But they’re still the same guys, getting together and trying to create art. It feels like a transitional piece that allows us to see the evolution of the Extensions world.

8) Keep on Smiling, Dear – The most ambitious film of the night and probably my favorite film to come from the Franks team. So many themes were explored both through the main story and the various advertisements. The acting. The special effects. It was funny and challenging. My choice for the Haverhast.

9) Nothing Burger – I always love the dessert of the evening. It’s often my favorite and I love how the collective can come together to create a finale that is worth staying around for.

Haverhast – Keep on Smiling, Dear
Honourable Mention – Derek Curley/Reek Crudely – acting in various films
Saint’s Choice – Nothing Burger

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